Friday, 22 May 2009

Being Alone

I was thinking about the state of Being Alone. It is not loneliness, which is a thing you want other people to put right. Being Alone is more than being by yourself, and it involves a degree of self knowledge. If I am lonely, I want some other person to make me better, I want someone to come and give me the ingredients I feel I miss. If I am lonely, depending on my degree of loneliness, I will probably make that someone responsible. They have to provide the answer.

Being alone though, is different. It is about a choice. Within reason, I can choose to be alone. It is not being islolated, it is a better state than that. I am alone at the moment, which has very little to do with my family and friends. My feeling of being alone right now is about the fact that Steve really has gone away. I am not distressed, I am not in pain, I am just Being Alone while I recognise the emptiness Steve has left. I can do this now it seems, because I am ready. It is a very quiet and necessary process. I am surrounded by life here in my home. My children, my work, friends, Alan, so this Being Alone is only a small part of my make up. It is running concurrently with the rest of my life. It just feels like an important step especially when I am very quiet and there is no one around.

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