Friday, 8 May 2009

Hello and Bear With Me

This is written on the hoof, so to speak. I am so lucky in my life, I thought as I brought my tea to the studio. However, I tend to focus my thoughts on things that are not quite right, as if I can take for granted all the things that work well and are good.

The Open Studios start tomorrow, and I need to get the room and the paintings ready. Thank goodness I have a room, and some paintings. But do you know what I was thinking? Oh this is a mess, and the paintings aren't up to much. If only I could grab each person as they came to me over the weekend by the elbows and gaze with the light of fanatacism into their eyes and say "I am so much better than this. Just give me time and I will show you. I am more than this, I am the best. Just wait a bit and I will show you".

The same thing happens with my weight. I wake in the morning feeling that the weight loss was a dream and since I ate food yesterday I am now fat. That is it, I am fat. I feel dreadful and ugly and eventually step on the scales and of course, I am exactly the right weight. I disbelieve the scales and measure my waist. Same as ever. Not more, not less. Then I am reassured.

My point, I think, is that I make trouble for myself for no other reason than habit. Than sloppy thinking. I am fine, the paintings are fine, the house is a dream, the garden is lovely with the potted plants, food is not the enemy, and I can paint. So with that stern talking to, I will now go and have more tea and get on with the positive things, like another breakfast (since I am a stable weight) and making the paintings I am showing look absolutley wonderful and loved on the walls. Yes. Good stuff.

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