Tuesday 27 April 2010

My Soul And Other Animals

http://www.agracefuldeath.blogspot.com/ for the latest on the A Graceful Death exhibition due next in Oxford in July

My Soul. You Didn't Expect This...

Here I am in all my glory and yes. I do look like this. All the time. In my Heart of Hearts, this is the Real Thing and I thank my kind and perceptive photographer Alan Bedford of Bedford Consulting for seeing it, taking it, and capturing the essence of Antonia Rolls. Thank you Alan. Pause for shuffling of feet and clearing of throats and suppression of deep emotions Until Later.

My Soul. Today I am thinking about what is real, and the word Soul came to mind as covering what is inescapably real about us. Then I thought that Souls are Nice, and so perhaps it isn't quite as balanced as I first thought. One's Soul is What Is Real With All The Bad Things Removed. Does that mean that one can have a teeny teeny soul because one has spent so much time being ghastly? Or is one's soul Pure Potential, it is all one size only and bits of it light up when that potential is realised? So that means Jack the Rippers soul may have been the same size as mine and yours but only the smallest left hand corner lit up whereas mine - ours - is aglow most of the time.

So what is real about us? Dunno. I am thinking about this - in fact I woke up today thinking about this. Each of us presents ouselves as one thing and there is no garuntee that those around us pick that presentation up. Somewhere in the ether our presentation of ourselves merges with the expectations and perceptions of those around us, and we become a completely different person in their eyes to that which we thought we were presenting. (Like now you couldn't guess that I am dressed in a pink and white spotty blanket and bedroom slippers).

If one is concerened about how one appears then this is hard work. The Presentation is All, and the substance follows. Or not. I am not immune to this, despite being nearly 50. When I am in my Studio I am Seriously OK and whatever I do is Seriously Fine. It helps that I am always alone in my studio so I get no feedback. Any doubts I have can be argued away by Me and I always emerge The Winner. When I am out and about in The World, despite having had years of practice trying to Just Be Me, I often fear I will come across as a well meaning babbling booby. Just Trying To Be Me is a huge task because I am so many things and most of those things are dependent on Mood, Circumstance and Whether I Have Had My Tea. Oh well. I guess the trick is to just be happy with whatever you are at any given moment.

So that is what I will do. At any given moment, I am Deeply Content With Who I Am. I will practice Beatific Smiles and comments like "Goodness me, is that so?" and "It is all All One To Me I am Sorted" . When presenting my work I will incline my head and enter the Zone and say "This is the Real Thing. " The subtext being It Makes No Difference Whether Or Not You Think I Am A Babbling Booby, My Soul Is Lighting Up All Over The Place And You Know You Want At Least Ten Of These.

The Real Thing. Me (embodying my Soul) walking up the path to Enlightenment where Everyone is a Babbling Booby and All Paintings are Fab.

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